The End

This is going to be the last post in this blog that I will ever write about my husband......
    The end of our relationship is fast approaching. Because of the adultery and abandonment of our vows from him. I have been devastated and crushed. It's been like my heart has been shattering painfully in slow motion. Like I am empty inside...... a part of me was pulled like a sticker away from my whole body. I have been dealing with panic attacks ever since finding out about his girlfriend. Our pastor told me,,, the one who just renewed our vows in the church... and baptized us this past year.....
 ........Really?!?! Im better than this..... And God will provide.... I believe that! God Bless! And thank you!

Pillows are funny sometimes!

My loving and wonder filled Husband, he is funny sometimes.... Even though we have been together almost eight years and married almost five; he and I are getting to know each other daily...
 The other night we were cuddling watching a movie in bed, he took the pillow out from under my head. I just had to laugh! It was so very funny! He did it to me the next day! I just couldn't believe it, again I laughed about that until my sides hurt! It was so very funny to me! I am so grateful to God that it did not make me angry.... that has been my reaction thus far.
God and my Husband have been closer than I expected....
   Currently, I would say, that my Husband and I are well into a great time in our lives. I am grateful to God for every waking and dreaming second I spend with him! I dearly and deeply love him! I can wait to look upon him, in everything he does. It's like looking through "new" eyes! I sometimes forget that he hasn't been in society long... and things are still something to get used to. I take things for granted, and I lose sight of the bigger picture. It is a big struggle to see past ones nose if you're always looking down (depression). I can only do what God will allow in my life, and praise Him threw it all! Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to love such a great man. He is not feeling like he is a great man right now, and life has a way of kicking you when you are already there; but I know in my heart and soul that he will be very successful, and God is the one who will allow him to succeed.   

Loving my Husband....

I am so very proud of my Husband. I am so very grateful for him. I am truly in love with him! He has made two cards for me! Just to tell me that he loves me! And to "spend some extra time with me! He is so romantic! I am very blessed! I thank God everyday for my life. Even when there doesn't seem to be anything to be grateful in my life. Jesus died for us, that is enough to be thankful!
I love my Husband, and love the man he has become in the last seven years, while we are together. I hope that he feels the same way about me! I know that I have been a blessing to him, a saving grace. Because he tells me so. I just hope that I am the woman that he sees in me. I hope that his expectations of our life, and me, are reality based. I hope that he understands the differences that we have, being adults, living on our own for as many years as we have.
I do know for sure, that God is right there with us, threw out all of our trials, tribulations, and success, and failures. And God will have a way for us. Because we are true believers and followers of Christ.

Near the end of one life....Almost the beginning of the next!

     Today I am going to talk about the pathways we all are walking, or running down, or up.
There are many paths that are vast, fun, exciting and full of interesting events. And there is what some would call a"boring" path, the narrow path.
    I know, the picture above is pretty and inviting... and you can just imagine a serene walk with a gentle breeze. And a few birds chirping faintly.... and a warm sun beam from the sky.....
 That sounds great! I must admit, it really does. I would like to be there right now!

There is a way to keep on the Godly path. It is through Jesus Christ. And walking with Him will always keep your heart, mind and feet in check with God.
 God loves us and He wants us to be in this world, but not be of this world. And I have been thinking a lot about that lately, with all the temptations and "it's okay" attitude. That does a disservice to the young people and the children growing up in such a confusing and unspiritual world.
I did not grow up in a Godly household. And I was the one who sault out 'religion'. There was so many to look at, and no one, really could give me the right "answer" I was looking for. Until I met my second Husband.
  You see, I was looking in the wrong place for Jesus, and God. I was looking into the world, the world of the prince of lies. The sugar coated "truth" we call lies. It was fun and full of stuff; shiny and colorful stuff, the things that children find and call their "treasure". The kinds of things kids cry for, the sticky sweet stuff that abusive husbands, wives and children cry about. In any form, it is honestly, just a LIE (SIN).

But there is someone who took from us the blame, the punishment, and the stigma. And He died on the worst execution that could be done, in His day. He was crucified on a cross. Not only for my sins, but for the sins of all of humankind. From time started, until all eternity. What a wonderful gift to give people who do not even know Him. For people don't even believe in Him. For all people, no matter what they look like, act like, worship, drive, live in, or work at. This gift is the most precious 'gift' anyone could ever get from a "stranger".
How great is that! I would say, who is this Guy? Well, it is a known fact, that He wants an intimate relationship with each of us. Everyone of us! What a generous and gracious God we have to send such a wonderfully humble, and courageous being to do such a sacrifice for many unknown people. And still want to know us. Have us lean on Him and Heavenly Father!
That is the love we all need in our lives. As much as we are lonely, sad, happy, and or angry. He will provide a way for us to be loved, no matter what! Isn't that something? I think it's a whole lot!
Just wanted to let you know, no matter where you are in your life, Jesus is on that narrow path with you! And He will always be there for you. Loving you whenever, and wherever you are going!
So, think about your path today, and decide which path is the right path you need to be on.

In-Laws....blessings?

I have to say this before I can write, I love my Husband for being the wonderful, caring, and descent man that he is. And I can not wait for the time we can have a conversation with out a telephone. 
  With that said, I don't know if the relationship between his mother, and I will ever be good. With the last marriage, the in-laws was not a good thing in our relationship. My ex was a different person around his mother. And his father was okay, when he wasn't around his wife. Needless to say, it was a matriarch family. And  dare you disagree with her.... oh boy! 
Anyways, I also involved my mother into my marriage relationship (emotionally). And I vowed to myself, and an unspoken one to my Husband, that I would not involve anyone, accept for God, in our relationship. I share with my mother emotional, and surface things.... just to get some comfort. But the really deep and heavy things I don't. 
  So, my Husbands mother called me today, and let's just say it was a short call. She asked me questions that I never discussed with her. And I raised my voice at her because she had a raised voice. I finally said, don't call me again, and ended the phone call. 
  I do admit that was not a very mature thing to do. But she is the one who called and questioned me, as I felt attached. 
 She was purposing that it was my fault not "disconnecting" with the ex. Well, she doesn't know everything  and how dare she question me about anything in my life.....
In fact, what about her past relationship with my Husband? Estranged, and closer now because I have "pushed" my Husband to reconnect with her. Maybe I am the one shooting my own foot. But I feel that he has been too hard on her.... but I now understand where I belong in this woman's world. Not married to her son.
  Well, God knows that because she birthed him I am grateful, but that is all I can do at the moment. I will pray about this today. And I will come to peace about things. And after all that, I will give it to God to sort out; He is the One who will make all things right. 

I pray to God, that I can have clarity in this matter, and I will pray for healing heart for all the people involved, including my own heart. 

Counting down...

There are so many things in my mind, when there is approximately 83 days left, until I see my Husband all the time...... I can not wait!! It is a new life we are about to embark on! What a marvelous journey that we are going to be taking~! I am  so happy....
 There are so many lonely times that will be filled. Having a long-distant relationship usually does not  have longevity, and strength. But I know that there is another being in our relationship that makes this marriage very worth while...... You guessed it! GOD! It is because of Him that I can say that I truly will always love my Husband. After all, if it wasn't for God, we would never have met! There are so many things that were in my life that I thought was not where I needed to be; before I met my Husband; But God knows what He is doing. It has always been His time, and His way. I know this now.... I am humbled and grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus for me, and my Husband. Our families and friends as well....
Thank You Jesus, Thank You God!
  God bless you.... Even if this is only written and read by me alone, it is always truth and love I write.

My husband has entered a different part of his life that he has never been before. He is moving 'in to a new life' of sorts. 
He is struggling with emotions that are a little intimidating to him. I know, because there are issues that are being discussed, that are not that "heavy" of a subject or prevalent in our marriage.


I know that he does really love me, and wants to be the best man and husband he can possibly be.... and yet, he believes, after all these years we have been together, he can not trust what I say. Even when I am totally sincere, and I am telling him from my heart. I can only sit back and realize, that this time in his life is a very emotional journey. And I am there no matter what! As always. I am going to love him threw all the chaos, and all the calm. Why shouldn't I? I am his wife, ordained by God to be his partner, and his support. I would never leave him out on his own. Just like God will never abandon us.
  However, his expectations are, and always have been, unreasonably high for everyone in his life. I am only human. And I am still a student Christian. I am still striving for better, and everyday is a challenge. Some more than others! As, with everyone else.... I am assuming.... I usually don't assume, but this is something I am sure of.... so I guess, its not assuming at all..... It is fact, everyone struggles, some time in their life.....
  
There are so many things that will be happening in the next several months, before Christmas. And I will be there in any form I can physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for him.
 And that is only if he accepts my help.


That is my dilemma.....